Waking up the next morning was rough. I should've pulled the trigger. I don't want to live anymore. I feel so alone and helpless and it seems like the more I do the worse I feel. I have to shake this feeling but suicidal thoughts are something all too serious. I just want to be happy. I want to love my girlfriend and myself like I used to. My side hurts horribly. I go into the bathroom and take two oxicodone and lay back down. Just as I go to climb back in the bed Daria wakes up.
"Baby you ok?" Daria says startled. I know I really scared her last night. Hell, I scared my damn self. I don't know what I was thinking I just know I wasn't thinking straight. "I'm okay baby, honestly, I just needed to take some pain medication."
"You sure you're ok?" Daria asks.
"Yes baby I promise" I reply with a small smile and a kiss to Daria's lips. When you haven't kissed your girlfriend in a few days it feels like your first kiss all over again. I miss the happy times Daria and I have. I just want us to be happy. I know that it'll take a lot of work on both ends and I'm ready to do work at it. Erica is coming over to check up on me. I know its going to be hard hearing what happened last night but I don't hide anything from my best friend.
After Daria and I get dressed we head over to the hospital so I can have my side looked at and the stitches from my arm removed. "Everything looks good Ms. Alms just keep changing your bandage like you've been doing and you should be okay. You can return back to work whenever you're ready just don't work yourself to hard."
"Thank you doctor." I say with a smile. This is the best news I've heard in awhile. It feels good to be able to return to work. I can take my mind off all this stress.
When we return to the house Erica's car is sitting out front of our building. As we make our way to the door she starts telling me about an accident she saw on the news last night.
"Girl it was a big ass accident, you hear me? Girl I'm talking huge." Erica continues talking inbetween popping her gum. "Girl the shit was the worse. I was driving past the accident on my way home from work and I saw that the damn car was turned over but the helicopter view was fucking atrocious! Four cars pileup and the biggest truck was the one turned the hell over. I just said my prayers and went to sleep. With all this drama going on I was glad it wasn't any of us."
"Yea I know." I say putting my purse down in the kitchen. Erica, Daria, and myself go into the living room where I began to tell Erica what happened. "Erica, you know I love you right?" I say fighting tears.
"Yea girl of course I know that, whats up?" Erica says popping her gum and giving me the look she always gives me when she knows something is wrong.
"Last night Daria and I got into a small argument and I stormed out."
"Girl, I'm so tired of hearing about you and simple ass arguing. Sometimes y'all remind me of you and Trinity with all the drama."
"There hasn't been hella drama E, and how you just going to sit up here and compare me to that bitch Trinity. That's low love." Daria interjects as she inches for my hand.
"I'm sorry D but sometimes it just hurts like fuck to hear that Gwen is crying AGAIN. I just want what's best for her."
"Anyway Erica, so last night after the fight I went down to the park and sat by the water. I cried all night long. All the stress that I've been going through is truly killing me and I didn't know what to do. So I put a gun to my head.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD GWEN ! Did you pull the trigger?" Erica says as she begins to sob.
"Apparently not if I'm still here jackass." I say through a smile but my face is soaked with with smudged mascara and melted foundation. Erica and I talk about the situation and we both hug things out.
"Please stop y'all, I ain't no bitch or nothing but I will drop some tears if y'all don't stop" Daria says as she grabs both Erica and I and pulls us close. These women outside of my family are the only people I really have at this moment and I'm really ok with that now. Everyone causing me grief has now been eliminated from my life one way or another. From now on all I want to do is smile.
After we all go for lunch, we all head over to the hospital. This is my first day back to work and I honestly think that I'm ready to get back to my patients and doing what I love and that's nursing. I'm greeted by so many doctors and nurses when we first arrive, and it feels great to have been missed so much. They made me a cake and everything. Just as I change into my scrubs and leave the overnight shift locker room, I stop by triage to get my paperwork for today.
"You'll be in intensive care today Gwedolyn baby." says Nancy my favorite old lady. She's got a heart of gold and a mouth like a sailor. "Here's your paperwork baby. Get on up to the 4th floor because without you, all them damn sick ass people are going to die. I tell you, these doctors ain't worth the pot I piss in, I tell you."
"Alright Ms.Nancy I'm going." I say with a giggle.
I get up to the fourth floor and grab my folders for my first rounds when Erica walks towards me looking somewhat frantic. "Baby girl how about we switch sides today?"
"No, I'm good. Why you seem so damn jumpy girl calm down" I say fixing my drawstring on my scrubs. You look damn near crazy."
"I'm ok, let's just switch."
"Ladies let's start our rounds."
"Yes, Dr. Riley." Erica and I reply with a smile.
I start on down the hallway to my first patient room to change the IV drip. My paperwork says that they've been in a bad accident. I honestly think it's someone from the night before. I think they were involved in the accident Erica was telling me about. I get to room 401 and look at the name. "Trinity Evans" is written on the name plate of the door. My heart instantly began beating fast. If this is Trini I honestly don't know how I'm going to feel. I take a deep breath and walk inside. There in the bed lay Trinity. She was hooked up to eight different machines and a woman I assume is her wife is holding her hand and crying. As she looks up she lets out a big sigh. I walk over to the bed and there Trinity was, laying in a hospital bed unconscious. Could this be karma?
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