Daria Pt.6

I woke up the next morning eyes blood shot and puffy. I had a nightmare that Gwen had died and I never got to say goodbye. My girlfriend is my life and I fucked up. I don't know what I was thinking but I fucked up. After I got out the shower, I called Gwen's room to see if she would at least answer for me.

"Hello?"

"Yea?"

"How you feeling Gwen?"

"I'm better, my wound clotted and I can come home today. Erica is dropping me off after I go pick up my medication." Gwen sounds a lot better but she stills sounds digusted at the fact that she's speaking to me.

"Erica is going to need you to take her home after she drops me off because she has to be to work at 3:30."

"That's fine, see you when you get home. I love you."

"You too"

You too? Damn. I really don't know what the day will be like when she comes home but I'm almost afraid that she'll want me to leave. I still can't get over the way she put me out her hospital room and I know for a fact she won't want me in our room here. I moved some of my clothes into the other room so I don't have a reason to bother her.

Gwen gets home around 12 noon and she goes to the kitchen, gets her some water and walks straight back to the bedroom like I'm not even here. She kisses Erica on the cheek and we leave so I can take her home.

"So what the fuck is all that about E?" I asks as tears hit my face.

"After you sat there and believed that girl over her did you honestly believe that she was going to want to be around you? I can't think of anything worse then having your girlfriend, who you just bought a place with, believe her ex over you. How the hell would you feel?'

"I would be hurt but I.."

"Right you'd be hurt, when you get home, you need to talk to her and apologize" Erica shot back.

"How the fuck am I supposed to talk to the fucking girl if she won't fucking listen ?!" I say through tears. We pull up to Erica's house and as soon as I'm sure she gets in ok, I head over to the market so I can make dinner for tonight. I buy some flowers and some bath oil so that Gwen can relax.

When I get home I can hear the tv on in our room and Gwen is watching tv. I can hear that she's on the phone so I don't interput her. I began to make dinner and I ran Gwen a bath. Around 6:30 I knock on the bedroom door.

"Gwen, I made dinner if you're hungry. Would you like me to bring you a plate?'

"Please."

At least she's speaking to me so I know she feels somewhat bad about what she said to me back at the hospital. I can clearly see she's been crying. I get our plates and make my way to our bedroom. After dinner we sit on the bed and we start to talk about the situation.

"Baby, I'm sorry I went off like I did at the hospital. You just don't understand how fucking hurt I was at the fact that you didn't believe me. I'm sorry for going behind your back but I reassure you nothing happened and everytime we met was strictly business."

"Baby." I say trying to not to cry. Her bandage has stains of old blood and her face is still kind of scratched up. "Im sorry I wasn' t there. I should've followed you home so we could talk about things. I didn't mean for things to get this out of hand and I promise that this won't happen again baby. Seeing you like this really hits a soft spot with me. I don't know what else to do or say baby, I just need you to get better."

"Daria." Gwen says fighting back tears. "I honestly don't know what to say or how to feel. The fact that you went and met with her really hurt. When she confronted you about her and I the first time you should've come to me. I don't have a reason to lie to you. Why would I?' Gwen is crying her eyes out and I just want to hold her.

"GET OFF OF ME DARIA! Gwen screams.

"Why are you being like this?" I asks with tears welling in her eyes.

"You don't understand Daria, this shit hurts. Because of the dumb shit that bitch put me through you don't trust me. She's been contacting you for a while now D and you not once came to me. I came to you and told you her and I were communicating about the apartment and that was IT ! Nothing more. The minute she started trying to send you text like they were from me you should've said something and you didn't."

"Baby I didn't know how to feel about it all and I didn't want things to get out of hand."

Gwen lifts up her shirt. "You think that this isn't fucking out of hand D?"

All I can do is cry as I watch her storm out of the room and I hear the front door close behind her last footsteps. I don't know where she's going or what she has planned in her head but she's heated and she's out for blood. I don't want my girlfriend to have to deal with shit like this but I guess me stressing her isn't making things any better. I love Gwen I really do but I'm scared I'm about to lose her.

I get in my car and follow her all the way to her destination. It feels like we've been driving for hours. She drives out to the park not to far from the hospital. She gets out of the car and goes to sit on the dock. I just stand at the top of the walkway and look at her as she cries her eyes out. She starts hyperventilating so I run down to help her. I can't fight the tears anymore now all I can do is cry. "It'll be ok baby, I promise." I say rocking her back and forth.

"Daria get the FUCK off of me!" "NOW!" she screams.

"Calm down." I say fighting to keep her in my arms.

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME BITCH!"

"GWEN, YO CHILL THE HELL OUT OK?!"

"You want me to chill the fuck out Daria?" she begins in between breaths. "Chill the fuck out? Ok, you got that. I'm most def going to the chill the fuck out."

"Why are acting like this?" I say still crying. I'm just mad more than anything at this moment. The shit just hurts knowing that I can't help her now. She doesn't want me to hold her, touch her, love her, nothing.

"I don't have anyone Daria. Ok? What do I have? You don't trust me, you don't even really fucking love me ok? I got shot over some stupid shit, my fucking apartment burned down, I'm missing days from work, and I'm losing my FUCKING MIND!" I don't have anything anymore Daria I don't. So don't tell me to chill the fuck out. I don't have shit to be calm about."

"Gwendolyn you have me baby. I'm here for you. I love you. I'd do anything for you. I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry I wasn't there." At this point I'm ready to just break down and cry my eyes out. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm running out of ideas.

Just as I go to hug her again she pulls out a gun, cocks back the top and puts it to her head. "I swear on everything I love, I don't have a reason to live or love anymore Daria. I've lost my fucking mind and I don't want to live anymore." At this point Gwen is hysterical, she has her eyes closed and her finger on the trigger. I'm scared I don't know what to do. I need my girlfriend in my life. I can't have her dying on me.

"Gwen give me the gun baby." I cry.

"Leave me the FUCK ALONE!" she yells.

"Give me that gun Gwen. Baby it's not worth it. I love you. I love you with everything in me. Every ounce of my being. With all of my heart baby you mean more to me than I mean to my damn self. You have a lot to live for. Erica, me, your family, you damn self G. Baby just give me the gun."

She gives me the gun and grabs me like she's never held onto me before since we've met. I empty the rounds onto the boardwalk and hold her as tight as my arms will allow.

"I'm sorry Daria, I'm so sorry." Gwen cries.

"It's ok baby. I cry back. We sit on the boardwalk for a while and just cry together. Once we've gotten ourselves together we both drive home and I'm on the tail of her car like no other. Once we reach the condo. I hold her hand as we walk in the door. I take off all her clothes and my own and I hold her until she's sound asleep in my arms. I can't imagine if tonight had gone another way. I was terrified that she was going to pull the trigger. I love my girlfriend with all my heart. I have to make some changes in this relationship. I love her too much.