Chapter 3

Last night was rough I must admit. This past week has been difficult to be completly honest with you. Rome and Carlisa were just too close. I saw Carlisa grab her by the waist, follow her into the bathroom, kiss her cheek, I saw it all. That's what hurts the most knowing that my girlfriend would rather be with her then me. I don't want to lose Tamara, but I have no idea if she really wants to stay. She's told me about every experience with an ex but this time things are different. She never said anything about the kiss on the cheek, or her following her into the bathroom. I don't understand it. Why keep things from me now? On top of all this bullshit, she doesn't even do the things she used to do. Tamara has changed and I don't like it. I'm going to pick up a rental book on the way home from work and look for an apartment because I have a feeling Rome and I won't be together much longer.
I got out of class like 12:15 so I went to work a little early. It's not hard being a nursing assistant I just despise these long ass work days. Rome came past my job on my lunch break and bought me dinner. We sat outside, ate and tried to talk about the situation.
"You've changed Rome." I said trying so hard not to cry. I hate talking about this with her. I don't like being upset, nor do I like upsetting others, but I don't want her staying in this relationship if she's not happy. "You really have changed, I'm not asking for consistency baby, I don't want things to be the same but everything about us is failing. I don't know if you want to be with me anymore, and I'm honestly worried about you leaving me. I would rather you break up with me then to stay and not love me at all."
All she could do was cry. She shook her head and got up from the table, walked over to me kissed my forehead, and got into her car to drive off. I cried so hard at work, my supervisor let me go home early. I took a shower and slept on the couch. I could tell that we were going to be over before the week let out.
The next couple of days were rough. We didn't speak at all. I made dinner for the both of us but we would eat in different parts of the apartment. I would eat at the table she'd sit on the counter and eat. I'd eat in the bedroom, she eat at the table. It was really hard being like this with her. School wasn't any different. We'd leave the house, go to classes, go to work, come home, and go our seperate ways. We didn't kiss, hardly spoke to one another, and I've been sleeping on the couch for the past week and a half. I didn't know how long this would continue but I hate this, and I really want this shit to end. Regardless of if we stayed together or not, I just wanted this pain to come to a permenant halt.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into a month. Rome started staying over Tory's house so a lot of the time I would come home to an empty apartment. I hated it. The place that was once filled with our laughs, and silly debates about what to watch turned into complete silence. The loudest noise now of days was me unlocking the door.

Just when I thought all my problems were in complete and plain sight, Carlisa comes to me one day after Pyschology class. I knew that she had nothing else better to do but to make my damn day miserable. "Hey girl !" Carlisa yelled as she walked across the grass to meet me. She wore this small ass skirt, a black belly shirt, and some red heels. I had to admit she was pretty. "Hey girl, how have you been?" she asked knowing damn well she didn't care.
"I'm ok, I can't really complain, how are you?" I asked.
"I'm good love. I really think I've found someone really worth my time" she said with a big ass smile that poked her lip ring damn near out of her face. Was she talking about Rome? I knew it! I told you this shit would happen. I was dumb ass hell thinking that Rome wasn't going to go back to her.
"Oh, don't worry your head baby girl, it's not Tamara" she said completly making my heart a lot less heavy. "Her name is Ashly and I swear she has to be the best thing that has come into my life since foodstamps." she said jokingly but in a manner you knew this girl was serious. Foodstamps? Really? It didn't register that the Ashly she was speaking of my ex girlfriend until Ashly began walking towards the bench we were sitting on.
"Hey baby" Ashly said kissing Carlisa on the lips.
"Hey daddy, I missed your cute ass all day" Carlisa said in between kisses. "Baby this is Christian. She's in my Psychology class."
"I know Christian" Ashly said in a sure tone. "How have you been?" she asked as if she knew she was intimadating me. I reached into my bag and pulled out my heels, I had changed my shoes earlier because Angie was supposed to wear a pair with me but she had left them in her car. As I slid my sandal off, and put my taupe colored heel on I spoke. "I'm great Ashly, I see you're doing well." Her face dropped. I never worn heels when we were together, nor did I carry a purse. She was in awe for a moment. "Well I guess I'll see you lovebirds later" I said as I switched away. It wasn't to make either jealous it was just to reassure Carlisa that Rome was happy despite our issues because I know she knows we're not on good terms, and to reassure Ashly that I didn't want her, nor did I need her in my life anymore.
I went to work after class feeling somewhat heart heavy. Rome would bring me dinner every night even though we weren't on good terms, but she wouldn't be home when I got there. Tonight when I got to work Tory and Rome were sitting on the trunk of Rome's car smoking a blunt. She doesn't smoke unless she's really stressing.
"Hey" Tory said as she gave me a hug.
"Hey T" I said hugging her back.
"Hey Rome" I said opening my arms for a hug. She spread her legs and I walked in between her and hugged her. She kissed me so passionately I damn near fell over. We haven't kissed in almost a month and a half. That kiss felt so good. She slid her tounge in my mouth and all I could taste was kush. I was so turned on. She handed me my dinner and told me she'd be home when I got off and we were going to talk when I got home. She kissed me again and went back to smoking her blunt. Tory and her finished smoking and climbed in the car. I watch them pull off from the office window. Work was rough that night. Every minute seemed like an hour, and every hour felt like a year. I wanted to get off work so bad. Tonight I got off at 9:30. I got in the car, turned on my Trey Songz cd and drove 65 all the way home. When I got in the house Rome was in the shower. She was bumpin' Boosie so damn loud I know she didn't hear me come in. She put on her boxers and sports bra, and I climbed in the shower. When I got out, I put on some lotion, a little perfume, a pair of shorts, and a bra.
We sat on the bed indian style and looked at each other. She opened her mouth to speak, but she just began to cry. "Baby, I never meant to hurt you. I never in my life meant to make you cry as hard as you did. You mean the world to me baby, my mother was telling me the other day if I lose you I'm not going to find someone who loves me half as much as you do. She's right. I mean every day I didn't wake up to you was like a hit in the face and a stab to my chest. I wasn't here to hold you baby and I'm sorry. All that shit between me and Carlisa was never intentional and I damn sure didn't mean to make you feel like I wasn't interested in you anymore. I don't give a fuck about any other girl. I care about you. I like everything about you.." she said grabbing my hand. ".. you're beautiful. Your hair, your eyes, your smile, your everything is just attractive. You make me the happiest female in the universe when we're together. Please Christian don't take that from me."
I wiped her eyes and I let her know I wasn't going anywhere. She stopped crying and I started crying. "Tamara, baby, I was never going anywhere. I thought you were unhappy with me. I didn't think you wanted to be together anymore. You know I love you baby. I love you with every ounce of my being. Don't ever think I don't love you." I said sobbing and trying to wipe my eyes, but the tears kept flowing. I got up from the bed and went into the bathroom to wipe my face. She walked up behind me and kissed my shoulder. "I love you." she whispered to me. I smiled. "I love you too baby." I said making sure she knew I was serious. Her and I went back into the bedroom and she laid me down on the bed. She slid my shorts off and began to eat me out. She put my whole pussy in her mouth and she began to suck on my clit with her tounge fucking my hole. I was dripping wet because she was sucking so loud I couldn't hear my moans. She began to kiss up my body and she took her shorts off. She already had her strap on. She placed herself on top of me and slid into my vagina. She stroked slow and deep making sure I felt every part of her penetration. She kissed me and sucked on my neck as she made sweet love to me. I then placed her on my face and ate her pussy so slow. I rubbed on her clit with my fingers and tounge fucked her hole. She was grinding and hip rolling on my tongue, grabbing the wall and moaning. "Damn baby" she moaned as she began cumming. Her juices tasted so good. She then put her strap back on a slid back into me. She turned me over and began to stroke me hard and fast. I could feel her in back rubbing against my spine. This night was the night that love making was null and void. She was fucking me and I was loving it. As I climaxed upon the wet rubber from it being covered in my juices we smiled at one another and kissed. It wasn't the verification I was looking for but it was however verification that I have a girlfriend who loves me more than I could ever love myself.