Chapter 10

These past couple weeks have been nothing but a headache. I really feel like the weight is the heaviest on the baby instead of me. I finally talked to my mother about what was going on and then i admitted to being pregnant. It was the longest moment in history. My mother's 30 seconds of silence turned into joyous, lost, and confused tears that in a sense I felt was a desperate cry from help for Jesus himself to come fix this. It still hasn't really hit me that in two weeks if I don't come up with a decision on whether or not the baby stays or goes I'm stuck with it. What do I do? How do I fix this? Christian and I are going to dinner tonight to have a talk about what we think is best for her and I when it comes to this baby.
Tonight we don't get all dressed up like we normally do when we go out on dates. It's a simple night at T.G.I. Fridays where jeans and a shirt will sufice. As we sit and wait for our appetizers and drinks the dreaded conversation begins.
"If we keep this baby, that is an extra mouth to feed, an extra back to clothe, and six weeks off of work I don't think I can truly afford to miss baby." I began.
"Tamara I told you, do what you feel is right for you. I know that this is my baby just as much as it is yours. I don't want to give the baby up but at the same time what is a woman supposed to do when she isn't the one carrying the child? What do you want me to do? Get pregnant too?"
"Shit that might help" I interject. I hate being like this with Christian it's not like we're arguing but at the same time we aren't the best of fucking friends as of right now all because of a dead man's nut. I don't want to think of my child as a dead man's mistake but right about now that's all I see it as. It. Just a living thing growing inside of me.
"Well you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and after the sonagram we will come to a conclusion on what to do about this living thing inside of your uterus." Christian says in the most sarcastic manner. If I could smack her right now I would. Lately, her and I have been on edge. I think it's because we're not having sex. She doesn't want something to happen to the baby. I told her nothing is going in me so fucking is the least of her worries. I move over to her side of the booth and whisper in her ear.
"Baby" I whisper as I kiss on her neck.
"What?" she says like I'm getting on her damn nerves.
"We haven't done it in awhile"
"I know, and until we figure out what to do about this baby, we won't."
"FINE!" I pout in my baby voice. I know that she means well but I think these high levels of hormones are making me hornier then ever. I just want to hump something. A leg, a chair, my wife perhaps. Something, hell.
"Don't do that. You wanna act like a child go sit on the other side of this table and wait for the nice lady to come back with our stuff." Christian says in her motherly tone. She knows exactly what she's doing and it's beginning to irk my nerves. She doesn't know that once we get home she's getting the business.
The lady finally comes with our food. After eating we went to Tiffany and Company in Towson's Mall and bought little charm bracelets for the baby. If we decide to keep it we're going to give the bracelet to the baby when he or she turns one. If we decide to rid of the baby we'll wear the bracelets in the baby's memory. This is a tough time for us.
We get home and Tory and Eriyn are in the basement going at it. You can hear Tory moaning and Eriyn ass being smacked by Tory's massive ass hand. As red as Eriyn is I'm really curious to see what the hand print probably looks like at this moment. "Come on baby, they're doing it" I start to kiss Christian's hot spot behind her ear.
"No Tamara! Now take your horny ass to bed" she says as she pushes me off of her and out of her way. I guess I'm really not getting any tonight.
The next morning we wake up and head over to Christian's job where I have to get the sonagram done. Christian would have done it herself but she's off today and she just wants to hold my hand through it. The techinician puts this cold ass gel on my stomach and begins to move the machine around to find the baby.
"There it is!" she says as if she found a baby in her own damn stomach. You hear my heart beating on the screen and the baby's heart beat is faint but it's there. It's really there. This is the weirdest moment of my life. There's a baby in me and I don't know how to feel about this I'm happy because my baby is healthy but I'm sad because there's a child in my stomach. I'm proud and sad all at the same time. When the appointment is over and wipe off my stomach, Christian places her hand on it. She starts crying. I don't know what kind of tears they are but I promise you these tears are real. She won't talk and the more I ask her "Baby what's wrong" the more she starts to cry. I kiss her and she tells me how much she loves me and that she supports my decision in whatever I decide to do. This situation is rough but I can't tell from the way I'm feeling and the way she's crying that reality has now hit it's peek and I'm going to have a baby.
"Christian, wipe your eyes baby, I know that this situation has been choosy and you and I have had numerous opinions about this, but you and I have overcome a lot together and I'm beginning to realize that way I felt the day I fell in love with you is the same feeling I'm having now."
I place my hand over hers and we both touch my stomach. I kiss her softly and look her deep in big brown eyes.
"Let's start a family."